Studenthood

So. It has been some while again. I am currently in the library, typing on a qwerty keyboard, the clock reads slightly after ten and my eyes are swollen and red. Ergo, this is too early a time and too serious a place to be at. And yet there are a whole bunch of people around me. The study-culture in Liverpool is so very different from how students live and work in Belgium. It seems to be a "constant vigilance" situation (in the words of Mad-Eye Moody), and yet it is not as if the evaluation is actually much harder than in Belgium. I would even claim the opposite: to pass in the UK one only has to obtain 40% and the biggest paper I have had assigned to me has been one of 3000 words. I don't really know what to write about, I would be very happy if our professor just gave us a range of subjects and we could just choose one, as I have no idea where to begin if I can just about write about anything. So, this should be interesting. Now, I certainly wouldn't say I am afraid of the exams, I am just a little in dubio as to whether I will be able to perform properly, as this system is so very different from the Belgian one. Then again, I have spent the last four years learning how to write papers, so I don't really see how it could be a problem to write yet another couple. I am sure I can charm my way into a pass (and by this I of course mean with my words, not with anything else).

But there is still so much to sort out. I need to get money, somehow, and my registration seems still incomplete, and what about my tuition fees? I have not had a moment of peace since arriving here, or not really, at least. There is always that worry in the back of my mind and I cannot wait til I finally sort everything out and can focus on university and stress about THAT. Because even though I am very confident about my abilities to pass, and pass with a good grade, a student always feels a certain anxiety which lies in the fact that in the end, it is the professor who decides your grade and fate. That thrill, the tiny beating of your heart, is slightly intoxicating, exciting, reviving. It is the thrill to studying, the edge, so to speak, and I haven't really had time to feel it at all. At the end of the day, I feel less like a student than anything else, and I miss the feeling to be one. So let's hope that once I get my life sorted, I'll feel the freedom of university once again.