New Year's Resolutions: at last!

I finally came up with some New Year's resolutions, which is good, I think. I have five, now:

- At the end of every day, take all of the pennies out of my purse and put them in my little piggy-bank-shaped-as-a-blue-cow. This way, I get rid of the small change in my wallet and at the same time, I have a bit of saving on the side for a cream egg or some sweets from time to time!

- Wear my hair long. I have come to a habit where I wear my hair in a bun about 95% of the time, which is starting to annoy and bore me. Yesterday, a friend told me to wear my hair long more often, as I should be proud of such long hair. Therefore, I am going to try to wear it loose and long more often and truly enjoy it.

- Wear eau de toilette every day. I have lovely eau de toilette which I barely ever use, as I have perfume which I use when I go out. I should use my eau de toilette and put on a little bit every day, so I smell nice throughout the entire day and feel more feminine (because it is hard competing with the girls in Liverpool; slags though they may be, they make me feel very unfeminine when I walk through the city, in comparison to them)

- Be myself. Although I want to feel feminine and am sometimes a bit jealous of those girls wearing make-up and high heels like it's nothing, I don't want to fall into the trap of becoming one of them. Yes, they can walk in high heels and they know how to make their eyes big and beautiful, and I never seem to reach that level of glamorous, but I don't want to be one of the masses. I have my own unique style and have always prided myself in that, so I will make more of an effort to stick with that and wear what I feel comfortable in, even though it might not be to English standards. Being yourself is always the most beautiful!

- Be adventurous. I already had this in my mind, but a friend of mine made me even more resolute to add this to my resolutions. I want to fully enjoy my stay in Liverpool and now money is not (that) tight anymore (granted, it will still be very hard for the next two months!), I have more opportunity to do so. Besides, fun stuff don't always has to cost something. I want to go to gigs, have evenings out, take walks, take pictures and visit the city even more. Live life to the fullest!

Essay-er.

I was getting a little lost. I read and read, and typed and typed, but it didn't feel like I was being productive. And then today, I struck gold. It is still not the masterpiece of the year, but at least now it feels like I am actually writing something which is me, and not just copying out of a book. Not that I've written anything yet, but I've made lists and conclusions and I can see the essay forming itself in front of my eyes.

As a literature student, I am used to reading a book, consulting maybe one or two sources before spinning a theory on how certain characters act or social issues are brought forward or whatever a literary style and vocabulary can create within a book. I made the analysis, I came to the conclusion, I wrote the paper. As a historian, things are slightly different. You see, you cannot invent history. You cannot have a take on history, a theory, a view on what happened. You can write about people's opinions, but those opinions are all based on facts (no matter how biased). There is nothing you can write which you create yourself, everything has happened in the past. It is a mere labour of copying the way which was walked before you and hoping that you'll find a side-way which hasn't been trod upon before. And frankly, this is a depressing matter. I myself cannot claim to have found the new road to truth, but yes, I think I might have finally found a little corner of the way which hasn't been described in detail yet. A little loophole in the theory, an excavation of the past. It is barely worth mentioning, but at least I am not copying quote after quote out of a book anymore. These are the grindings of my thoughts, a thing I might not have created from scratch, but at least it feels my own. I put my stamp on history and even though it's barely a postscript to the epos which is the past, at least the ink is there to prove it's mine and no-one else's.

Six months of Liverpool

Half a year ago, in the height of summer, I set foot on English soil (it was rather cold, I must say) and started my journey to Liverpool. I arrived in Plattsville Road late at night, dragged my suitcases in, got some food and went to bed. The next day, the adventure began. I explored Liverpool, as one of its people, for the first time. And here we are now, six months later. Do I feel like this is my home now? Maybe. With my job and my new church and new friendships forming, together with new plans, my life is taking shape more and more every day. If today would be a nice day, I would go out and do something special, but as the sky is grey and the rain is trickling, I rather curl up in bed and watch a film. A pity, you would say, at first glance. A pity that I am not doing something special on this special day. But in a way, it's perfect. Not that I spend every living moment watching films in bed, but when I have a day off and no plans, that is what I do. It is one of my favourite activities and I don't care if that sounds sad, I like it and that's that. The BBC iPlayer is a good friend in whose company I like to spend these forlorn hours of nothingness. That is the thing about Liverpool and where I live. If I am not in the centre, I am more or less confined to my room. I don't have to be, but let's face it, if I want any action, I have to leave Allerton, by bus or by bike, and head out to the city. My house is my recluse, the place where I spend time in between my life. A place far away from most of my friends, a place away from work, from school. And I like it that way. It means I can have a lazy day and stay in bed, watching films in my pyjama, without feeling guilty about all the social things going on outside my door. This is my burrow and I like it.

So, yes, I do feel at home here. I long for my bed after a wild night out, long for my room after a day in the library. The rest of my house, not so much. In six months today, I hope to be moving into a new place, a clean place, a place of my own, maybe shared with another person. And I have a feeling that until that day, I will never really completely at home. But until then, 95% of home-ness will do.

Work: the first days

Yesterday I started my new job as well as my essay. The job was as easy as it gets, copying names and numbers from a directory onto a sheet of paper. I also made some tea. However, tomorrow I will be starting my calls and though I am confident enough, I might get a little nervous as the evening progresses. Last time I did (tele)sales I more or less crash-and-burned, so let's hope this time is different. My boss is a pretty English guy, the lang and lanky rockstar-like dressed Scouser, which makes the job a whole lot more pleasant. Only downside being that his computer has been infested with trojans lately and that it's never fun to see your boss almost crying with frustration.
My essay so far has been interesting enough or should I say, the book I'm reading. I realise more and more that my essay is basically a summary of the core book I'm reading, but if that's what the professor wants, then that's what the professor gets.

As I am currently in the library and eager to do some more work, more will follow soon.