Money is short

These past two months have taught me how it feels to be "poor". I am down to my last 10 pounds right now and let me tell you, it isn't fun. I am lucky enough to still have my family (and especially my dad) to rely on when I have absolutely no money left, but as I rather wouldn't owe anyone any money, I try not to do that too often. But sometimes, like right now, I have no choice. I have been trying to get Jobseeker's Support and, what's more important, Housing Benefits for the past two months now and have gotten nowhere. With a little bit of luck, today will be decided that I am actually eligible for Jobseeker's and my troubles will be whisked away (be it with an about 2 week-delay from now), but by now my faith in the system has dropped so far below zero that I don't see any improvement in the very near future. Ergo, I am broke. I am poor. It is scary to have to choose between food or medicine, to try and figure out if you really need that bottle of milk or whether you can survive in drinking just water, not being able to buy cheese because it is far too expensive for a mere condiment. Realising you have no more bread in the freezer and not being sure whether you can afford to buy a new loaf and even then, it runs out so quickly. Not being able to leave the house because you can't cycle or walk anywhere because your foot won't carry you and not being able to afford the bus. Having to explain to charity workers that no, you cannot buy a cupcake for charity, no matter how cheap it is, or you won't have enough money to buy food tonight.

I am lucky to have people like my dad, who lends me money when I need it, or my housemate, who offers to buy me groceries. My "adoptive" dad who comes by the house to bring a big piece of carrotcake. International students who bring food to our weekly meeting. Friends who buy me a drink and tell me they are better off than I am and to drop it. My friends who support me in prayer and tell me there will be a way to provide. But I can't keep on counting on other people's charity like this. I would start working now, were it not that I can't, because I can barely walk to the end of my street before I start limping like an idiot. So all my hope is on this Jobseeker's Allowance. Because even though it's only 50 pounds a week, I would rather have 50 pounds a week and spend only 30, than only have 10 pounds to survive an entire week.

I cannot imagine what it would be like to live like this every day. To have no money, no extras, no savings. To not have family to fall back on when times are hard, when sickness strikes, when it rains and you cannot afford to get sick. I am grateful that this is only a temporary toil, that this is not something I have to carry every day of my life. My heart and prayers go out to those who are not so fortunate, who are alone in this world without any financial help. The people who live on reduced price-foods, who walk for an hour to city centre for a two hour-class, who never drink milk but always water. And when my money finally comes through, I hope to support those people, financially, morally and passionately, and do my best for those who are less fortunate in this world. Because no one should go through this every day of his life.