Decisions

I thought I had failed, with a 45%, but apparently that's still a pass at the University of Liverpool. Forgive me if I think this university is a bit of a joke. In any case, for a good 20 minutes, I thought I had failed my main module and its impact was grave. That I was to quit (and not retake the exam) was chrystalclear, but what to do next was the big question. Staying here seemed the easiest thing to do. Quit uni, stay working part-time, in the meantime search for a full-time job I like to do. But is this what I want? Do I really want to stay in this city or is it merely the easiest option?

I could also go back home. Either start a new course at the University of Leuven or find a job and work full-time. If I want to do a new course, I'll have to find a way to finance it. Working part-time would certainly be a start, but Belgium is more expensive than Liverpool and I'm not sure I'll be able to fund it. And what course would I do? I'd also have to face the judgement of certain people, telling me I wasted a year of my life, wasted money, wasted tears. But I would never agree. This year has taught me more about myself than I expected, has made me stronger, more independent, more able to deal with trouble come my way. It certainly is not a wasted year, however, to keep paying for a Masters I don't even like to do, thát would be a waste. So no, I will not stay and keep on studying. If I do, I'll do it back home.

But I might just return and find a job. The one option that scares me but makes the most sense. It's where my home is, where my qualifications count, where I can do what I am used to. Where I have my friends, my family, everything I know. Visiting my little niece last week made me realise how much I feel like I should be home again. But it also scares me. Where am I to live? Where am I to work? How, what, when?

It would be so easy to just stay here, work, put my life on hold. And maybe I should do that. Stay here, at least until the Summer. Save up some money, maybe, even. Though that might be too wishful a thinking. Get a good job over Summer (au pair, maybe?). Then go back home. Or stay. That part I'm still to figure out.

I need advice. Some help. Someone to tell me what to do. What should I do?